I Don't Know Anymore

I just realized that my life after high school has been an epic failure. I flunked out of San Jose State and now I'm barely doing any better at Merritt Community College. Honestly I don't know whats wrong with me. This is not how i expected my life to turn out. Right now I should be at SJSU chillin with Bestfriend and hooping with Rodve & Romeo, instead I'm sitting her tryna figure out how I'm gonna tell my mom i dropped two classes because I was failing. I'm starting to hate life (but don't worry Queen I'm not that far gone). The only things about my life that are good are my friends, Hip Hop, Hoop, and Bestfriend (yes she is her own category).

I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I kinda wanna move away from my mom but not out of California, even though my mom wants me to go to Howard University. I kinda wanna go to LA, not because Bestfriend lives there but I think I just need a change of scenery. But since I don't have a job and therefore have no money the only way I could move to LA is to go school. Its just too bad I'm such a fuck up or else that might actually be possible. I just don't know anymore.

-I'm audi 5

I Lost

Damn, I fucked up pretty bad this time. I lost a friend, no more than a friend a brother. And even if he says he forgives me things will never be the same. I can't believe I did this. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn't worth losing Shadi as my friend. I should have stayed out of it, it wasn't my business and no matter how I felt about the situation the bottom line is I should have stayed loyal to him.

Now I feel very alone. I feel like my friends will abandon me. I mean whats to stop me from doing the same to Brent or Alex or Dave. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost. And then I go to hoop, because it helps me clear everything out and focus on having fun. But Shadi shows up. Now I'm thinking about what he thinks of me and I'm no longer having fun because the situation i wanted to get away from popped up. I wanted to say something, try to talk to him about all this, but there were too many people around.

 So now I'm here wishing I could rewind time. But I guess this is life right, we make decisions and we gotta live with the consequences. I just wish this particular decision didn't cost me a friendship. Shadi if you read this one please forgive me.

-I'm audi 5 Peace

Bros Before Hoes?

Bros before hoes, one of the unwritten rules between guys. But at one point does that rule become less about loyalty and more about doing the right thing. So I have this friend, lets call him Shane, and he's one of my best friends. Now Shane has a girlfriend but still goes out and talks to other females and goes to kick it with them. One of the girls he's talking to, lets call her Jen, has started talking to me just as friends. So as I'm talking to her I realize that she's a really cool girl, but she likes Shane who is a bit of an asshole. Basically to make a long story short I began to feel bad for her because she liked him but he had a girlfriend. So I told her the truth, thinking I was doing the right thing, and told her not to tell him. But that backfired and now he knows that I betrayed him and most likely hates me now, even though she wasn't his main chick.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if I really did the right thing. Should I have let some chick come between me and a good friend. I think I just lost a friend over some chick I just met like a month ago. Idk what to do.

-I'm audi 5 Peace