I Don't Know Anymore

I just realized that my life after high school has been an epic failure. I flunked out of San Jose State and now I'm barely doing any better at Merritt Community College. Honestly I don't know whats wrong with me. This is not how i expected my life to turn out. Right now I should be at SJSU chillin with Bestfriend and hooping with Rodve & Romeo, instead I'm sitting her tryna figure out how I'm gonna tell my mom i dropped two classes because I was failing. I'm starting to hate life (but don't worry Queen I'm not that far gone). The only things about my life that are good are my friends, Hip Hop, Hoop, and Bestfriend (yes she is her own category).

I don't know what I wanna do with my life. I kinda wanna move away from my mom but not out of California, even though my mom wants me to go to Howard University. I kinda wanna go to LA, not because Bestfriend lives there but I think I just need a change of scenery. But since I don't have a job and therefore have no money the only way I could move to LA is to go school. Its just too bad I'm such a fuck up or else that might actually be possible. I just don't know anymore.

-I'm audi 5

I Lost

Damn, I fucked up pretty bad this time. I lost a friend, no more than a friend a brother. And even if he says he forgives me things will never be the same. I can't believe I did this. I thought I was doing the right thing, but it wasn't worth losing Shadi as my friend. I should have stayed out of it, it wasn't my business and no matter how I felt about the situation the bottom line is I should have stayed loyal to him.

Now I feel very alone. I feel like my friends will abandon me. I mean whats to stop me from doing the same to Brent or Alex or Dave. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost. And then I go to hoop, because it helps me clear everything out and focus on having fun. But Shadi shows up. Now I'm thinking about what he thinks of me and I'm no longer having fun because the situation i wanted to get away from popped up. I wanted to say something, try to talk to him about all this, but there were too many people around.

 So now I'm here wishing I could rewind time. But I guess this is life right, we make decisions and we gotta live with the consequences. I just wish this particular decision didn't cost me a friendship. Shadi if you read this one please forgive me.

-I'm audi 5 Peace

Bros Before Hoes?

Bros before hoes, one of the unwritten rules between guys. But at one point does that rule become less about loyalty and more about doing the right thing. So I have this friend, lets call him Shane, and he's one of my best friends. Now Shane has a girlfriend but still goes out and talks to other females and goes to kick it with them. One of the girls he's talking to, lets call her Jen, has started talking to me just as friends. So as I'm talking to her I realize that she's a really cool girl, but she likes Shane who is a bit of an asshole. Basically to make a long story short I began to feel bad for her because she liked him but he had a girlfriend. So I told her the truth, thinking I was doing the right thing, and told her not to tell him. But that backfired and now he knows that I betrayed him and most likely hates me now, even though she wasn't his main chick.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if I really did the right thing. Should I have let some chick come between me and a good friend. I think I just lost a friend over some chick I just met like a month ago. Idk what to do.

-I'm audi 5 Peace

143

143 aka I  Love You. Those three words are so important in a relationship. I remember one of my ex girls got mad at me because those three words couldn't come out of my mouth. I think I had a mental block around saying it because I didn't feel it. Actually if I remember correctly she dumped me because I couldn't say it. But we got back together when I finally felt like I loved her. But that relationship didn't last too long because...well because she's crazy lol jk not really. 

Next relationship moved kinda fast, this time I knew what I was doing and what I was feeling. And this time the roles were reversed. I knew that I loved her and I also knew how hard it was to say it back if you don't mean it. So the first time I told her I was kinda glad she didn't say it back. I wanted her to wait till she really felt it before she said.

Basically I think 143 is overused. It shouldn't be like saying goodnight or good morning. It shouldn't become a common phrase otherwise it loses its meaning. Why are those words so important anyway, I mean there are other ways to show your love for someone.

-I'm audi 5 Peace

Its Better To Have Love & Lost, Or Is It?

Whoever said its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all is a fucking idiot. Being in love is the best thing ever, but losing love is the worst thing ever. Love hurts so much, I'd rather have not felt what love is than lost love. I can honestly say that I loved my ex, and we weren't even together that long. I just knew that I was in love. I guess you could call me a romantic, I like a good love story and want to see that happen in real life.

Sometimes I find myself jealous of Bestfriend or Queen, simply because they are in relationships. And I wanna be in a relationship, but I can be picky about the girls I date. And I noticed I kinda have bad luck when it comes to relationships. One pretty good relationship only lasted like a month because she moved to Maine. One relationship ended because she was too immature, but I guess thats my fault. Another relationship ended because my mom didn't like my girlfriend, which made it really difficult ( oh and that girl was crazy). And my most recent relationship ended because I'm the Bay and she's in LA. Idk I just hope I find love one day.

-I'm audi 5 Peace 

The Friend Zone

Ahh, the infamous friend zone. We've all been there, some more than others. Its every guys nightmare. You see a girl you like, but you don't make your intentions clear and you say one thing wrong and end up in the friend zone from which there is no return. Its nearly impossible to escape from the friend zone, I should know I've been there plenty of times. I think I'm too nice cuz I was always end up in the friend zone, and I always end up getting calls from girls talking about their dudes. Now don't get me wrong I like helping people out and some of my bestfriends are girls (Bestfriend & Queen), but I'm starting to think I have too many. Like what about me. Some of these girls whom I'm friends with I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with, and I would treat them better than their dudes who send them crying to me. But the friend zone is like a black hole, nothing ever comes back out.

Oral Sex Is Sex Too

OK so awhile ago my mom was tryna get me to tell her that I had had sex. Now I did already have sex but I wasn't about to tell her that, so I lied and you know what she said "oral sex is sex too." I started dying, and I told Bestfriend about it and we laughed so hard. Its become like our little joke now. Whenever I say that she just starts laughing hella hard. 

So today me and Bestfriend had a little conversation about oral sex, because the guy that she's talking to is kinda hinting that he wants oral sex. Although she doesn't like giving head she does like pleasing her dude. So this got me thinking, cuz I'm into pleasing my girl too, but I also like eating a girl out. At first I guess you could say that I was one of those "real men" that don't eat pussy, but I think every guy should go down on their girl once in awhile especially if they want their chick to do the same to them.

Now this next part goes for guys and girls don't be afraid to tell your gf/bf that he or she is doing it wrong. You know what feels good to you they don't, so if they're doing something wrong then show them how to do it right. If guy doesn't know where the clit is show him where it is, then tell him what to do with it. No one is just born with this knowledge. This will make oral sex more enjoyable. So my advice to guys is stop being a pussy and eat the pussy. And for girls just suck it up (pun intended) lol and do it, it'll most likely keep your dude around.

-I'm audi 5 Peace